Belated Saturday: Shit my Friends Say

First of all, yes I did skip Friday? Why. Because I wanted to. Got a problem with that? Do ya? Do ya? I didn't think so. So here's the thing, before I continue, I would like to say I failed at blogging everyday. If I were Japanese I would fall on my sword in dishonor. But seeing as I am not, nor do I have a sword, I shall be lest dramatic and offer you a simple apology. JOKES. So, new deal, a blog post a week, I pink promise!(And don't say that that is childish, this shit's legit!) If I do more lucky you, if I don't then may I be hung drawn and quartered!

So, lets start with shit my friends say. I swear, when friends say the below things I almost wonder why it is still illegal to shoot people.

1. Yolo

 

OK first of all, did you know that Yolo was originally placed on the doors of brothels signaling those who were available for 'back-door' sex. (If you know what I am saying).  So when you shout out to your teacher in class YOLO you are in actually signaling you want anal sex. Did you just go visual? I bet you did.

Yet, lets operate on the premise that Yolo means that You Only Live Once, not only is this offense to both Buddhist's and Cats, it is being used as an excuse to dumb-moronic shit. Yolo is not an excuse for paddling of a cliff in a glass canoe, for not doing your assignment, or for going snowboarding in nothing but a lacy thong. No. Yolo is not an excuse for you to act like a idiot. Seriously, stop.

As far as I am concerned YOLO means You Obviously Lack Originality.

2. Ya Mum

It seems like this has become the classic comeback of today's generation, almost making me want to attack myself with a cheese grater.  Why you wanna bring my mama into this? Seriously, I will sit on you. And not in the good way. Can you not think of anything more original to say? I really don't need you to bring my mother into this.

I hate when you have an argument with someone, you come back with this an amazingly structured response, throwing in vernacular terms and dumb-downed expression and what they come back with is "Ya Mum!". Not only will this effectively end the argument, but your life in the same sentence.

Oh and 'Yo Mamma' jokes? What the hell kind of crap is that!

3. Suck It

First of all, I would, but my mother told me not to put small things in my mouth. Where did this even originate? You're a girl, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SUCK! Or do you have something to tell me? You tell me to suck it, I will give you a lemon and make you suck it to see how you like it! I mean come the fudge on, If I wanted to suck it I would have done it already don't you think so?

I will punch you. In the face. With all the dreams of me and you remaining friends if you say suck it one more time. Bitch I dare you.

Adios Amigos, stay tuned for more anger filled posts!
Live Long and Prosper